From grumbling to great - how to handle complaints as a leader

You've probably experienced it a few times: employees complaining about trivialities. In your eyes, minor details. Something that could be easily resolved. Or something you don't understand that it occupies as much mental space as it does.

Perhaps you just want to move on, to just deal with the matter. Maybe you just want fewer worries. Maybe you dream of introducing that 'never mind' button. Then we could focus on other 'more important' things.

But you also know that that's not quite appropriate. Or maybe you don't, but then let me say: it isn't appropriate.

You are a leader, likely because you are willing to take risks. Because you thrive on doing things differently tomorrow. Because you are creative in finding new solutions to problems. You enjoy a certain complexity. You want to learn new things.

And therefore, you might come to see complaints as something that hinders progress. But then you overlook that:

Complaints are not just complaints.

The worst thing you can do about complaints is to ignore them or shut them down. Because they will grow, one way or another.

What are Complaints?

Just like medical complaints, complaints don't just go away on their own or by being ignored with a 'never mind' button or a magic pill. They will still simmer and manifest in other ways. Either by employees becoming disengaged or stressed. Or a reduction in the quality of their work. Worst case, they resign or spread their complaints to other employees.

The worst thing you can do about complaints is to ignore them or shut them down. Because they will grow, one way or another.

Treatment

Before we delve into the treatment of complaints, let's make the following distinction between verbal complaints in an organization.

• ‍Stage 1: Employees express dissatisfaction or critique.
• ‍Stage 2: Employees express themselves loudly, and/or repeatedly.
• ‍Stage 3: Employees express themselves bitterly, accusingly, and in black and white.

Stage 1 is not a problem if the object of the dissatisfaction is addressed – that's what you could call respectful disagreement, whereas stage 3 often results in disconnection, less productivity, and outright destructive behavior at the workplace.

Treatment no. 1

Congratulate yourself

If complaints are expressed, it might be a sign that you've done something right, and that there is actually no need for treatment, as long as it's stage 1 complaints. If your employees express dissatisfaction, it's a sign of trust and a sign that they feel safe enough to do so.

And it's much, much better that they express what they're dissatisfied with, rather than suppressing it. Because then people become disengaged, or they push themselves further, with a risk of burnout or a decrease in the quality of their work.

Having the complaint spoken out loud means we can engage in a dialogue and act on the issue.

The National Research Center for Working Environment (Det Nationale Forskningscenter for Arbejdsmiljø) calls this a professional disagreement culture in their 13 good pieces of advice on a better psychological work environment [in danish]. They encourage remembering that there is usually a core of truth in what 'complainers' say.

Amy Edmondson would call the emergence of criticism a sign of psychological safety. The fact that we have a culture where we feel safe enough to articulate difficult things or give criticism, without being worried about our job, status, relationships, etc. is very healthy.

Treatment no. 2

Notice yourself. How do you relate to complaints – do you complain?

If you don't complain, and even think it's quite fine not to complain, you can quickly become quite irritated when others express their dissatisfaction. And then you might quickly interpret stage 1 complaints as stage 2 or 3 complaints, even though it never was.

So have self-awareness regarding how you feel about complaints. Practice 'complaining' once in a while, as long as it's stage 1 and respectful. Then you also have more room for others' complaints.

Also, be aware of how your position as a leader often means that you have a different ability to act than your employees. So what's easy for you to change, might not necessarily be easy for your employees, and complaints are thus an expression that something requires your attention and action.

Treatment no. 3

The best treatment is actually not treatment, but prevention

Stage 2 and 3 complaints, which are destructive, are usually a question of stage 1 complaints not being treated. So the more you can preempt them and even prevent them, the less time and effort spent.

A good work environment and psychological safety are not quick fixes that can be achieved overnight. It requires continuous effort, decisiveness, and a focus on managing the changes that happen.

Fortunately, we know quite a bit about what creates psychological safety. In a 2016 study, the most important factors were:

• Decisiveness: It's crucial that employees experience that when a leader and an employee have agreed on something, that agreement is fulfilled. It sounds trivial, but often we can forget its importance in a busy everyday life, so prioritize following up quickly on the agreements you make, and give yourself extra thinking time, so you don't make promises you can't keep.
• Recognition: Everyone likes recognition, but many of us have learned that it's impolite to ask for it. For some, it may be easier to complain. Be aware of whether you are good enough at giving recognition in general. And be aware that if you come to think of the employee as a complainer, it may become difficult to give recognition from a sincere place. So have self-awareness about whether it is the employee you are distancing yourself from, or your own fear of being a complainer.
• Community: It's key that employees feel like part of a community with their co-workers, where there is openness, trust, and respect. They should be able to talk to each other, get help from each other – both practical help, sparring, good advice, validation, and the feeling of not being alone. It may sometimes mean untreated stage 1 complaints, but have confidence in the fact that it's necessary, and that it's the way for what needs to come to light, to come out.
• Clarity in Roles: Too much ambiguity in the expectations to roles and goals creates insecurity. This is especially vulnerable in times of change, so make sure to prioritize time to absorb new changes, and calm the areas that create insecurity. Often, you will be a few steps ahead in terms of absorbing a change, so remember to give your employees the same or longer time than you yourself have had.

And remember, these factors also apply to you – i.e., check if you have clarity in your role, access to recognition, and are part of a community. Because if not, it can be a stressor on your mental state, later turning into complaints.

Treatment no. 4)

Yes, There Are Also (Very Few) Chronic Complainers

Are there exceptions to all this? That is, are there people who generally just complain more than others (without visible reason)? Yes, there are a few individuals, but they are very few and far in between.

So consider whether you've properly looked at all the other treatment options first.

Especially, if you've managed to integrate them into a community, and created clear expectations for their role and given them the warranted recognition. Here, you should particularly look at whether they have shared tasks, thereby minimizing competitive parameters. Because if, for example, they're competing for the same tasks, the same salary, the same recognition, then competition and their need for visible attention increase.

Why talk so much about grumbling and complaining?

Besides hoping that you will find this a relevant and recognizable topic, it's actually an essential element in being able to create psychological safety, to be able to treat, alleviate, and prevent it turning into chronic complaining.

When we asked over 200 employees to give examples of low psychological safety, they mentioned leaders who said "Take a chill pill", "I don't want to hear any more about it," "just get on with it and fix the problem," "I'm not responsible for the good atmosphere." That is to say, employees who felt they had something on their minds were simply shut down.

We guess that these might be leaders who, with the best of intentions, are frustrated over a lack of focus on the goal, or are stressed in some other way. But if you realize now that you could have said something similar, then I also hope that with this article you have gained some more inspiration to cultivate psychological safety and handle complaints more appropriately. It benefits the quality of the work and the well-being in the workplace at the same time.

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